The Land of Smiles...and Stares

Thailand is known as 'The Land of Smiles' because of the happy, relaxed nature of most of the people and, of course, their 'yim' (Thai for smile) but there's more to it than that for me; I'm asked to pose for so many photos that I almost continuously have a smile plastered on my face ready for the next inevitable selfie that's never more than a flick of an iPhone away plus how can I not smile when my water and electricity bill only costs about 220 Baht a month (around £4!!!). I've also started to notice that, because of the language barrier, I tend to use constant smiling as my main method of communication and this became all too apparent when I had a bit of a cough and had to don a face mask which covered my mouth and therefore hid my trusty replacement for fluent language. I've often heard Thais say things like, "If you are vegetarian, why are you big??", "Teacher, look how ugly my friend is", "My children are really fat. Here, I'll show you a photo", and the only response from the person on the receiving end is a massive Thai smile; this is partly because they're genuinely not offended as it isn't meant in a malicious way and perhaps it's also because it's not acceptable to show negative emotion in public.

Yet more time off school - this time we visited local Wats (temples) and the students presented a decorated candle to the monks after a series of chants to celebrate Kua Pansa day, the start of the Buddhist Lent.

My school is surrounded by many tiny rural villages and each one has a temple.

It's customary to wear a mask to school when you're ill and, despite me feeling extremely conspicuous, it actually helped me blend in as I was no longer the filthy foreigner who was coughing near children.

Every Wednesday I give a short speech to the whole school on English culture at the morning flag raising ceremony.

I came to Thailand on a two month tourist visa and whilst my work permit was being processed I needed to leave Thailand and get a new visa from a Thai embassy in neighbouring country, Laos. I had to pass through Chiang Mai on my way to Laos and so I took the opportunity to meet up with some friends. You can't walk five steps in central Chiang Mai without seeing adverts for the infinite number of tourist attractions including elephant mahout training, zip lining, massage courses and not forgetting the prodding and poking of caged tigers; these are aimed at tourist budgets plus I'm quite dubious about the way some of the animals are treated so we were searching for something a little bit different when we stumbled upon Elephant Poo Poo Paper Park, an eco-friendly company that turns animal poo into paper! We learnt about the process at their outdoor site surrounded by jungle, had a go at making colourful 'poo balls' into our very own sheets of paper and spent the day elbow deep in elephant excrement (which was surprisingly unoffensive once dried). I then took several buses and various other modes of transport over a 17 hour time period to reach Vientiane, the capital of Laos, where I stayed for two nights so the Thai embassy could issue me a fresh new visa inside my passport. Vientiane is not the most exciting city but since I'd been there before in January (Who Said Vientiane Is Boring?) I had very specific ideas about what I wanted to do and, apart from runs along the Mekong River and a dip in the national swimming pool, these plans all involved food because Vientiane is home to some incredible eats influenced by many different cultures thanks to Indian migrants and the historic colonisation by the French amongst other things.

No weekend in Thailand is complete without a foot massage, this time we tried a fish spa before hand....I'm not a fan!

Making paper at Elephant Poo Poo Paper Park.

Touch me!

Vientiane.

In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death, taxes and being stared at if you’re different. The latter is especially true in rural Thailand. Being one of the only farangs in my town means that I stick out like a sore thumb and I’m constantly being watched, from the most menial tasks like going for a run or shopping for food to more private affairs such as buying underwear....everything is under surveillance! I’m not new to losing my anonymity - it was pretty intense whilst backpacking in India (see my posts from September last year I'm An Alien and Agro In Agra) - but this is sometimes a little frustrating because I’m not merely a passing tourist any more...I actually live here! Even the dogs are wary of me, one particular pet beagle barks viciously at me, and only me, whenever I pass his house and the other day a big scruffy soi dog spotted me and gave me the most horrified, wide-eyed look whilst backing away and yelping like he'd just seen a troll crawl out from under a bridge. I understand that I must look pretty weird to the people in my town who aren't used to seeing foreigners and most of the time the looks are completely innocuous and followed by a mega-watt Thai smile but other times I feel it encroaches on to xenophobic ground; I get followed around my local supermarket by a team of security guards every time I go and I assume this is because I am a foreigner (or perhaps I just naturally look dodgy?!). If there are people who aren't gawping at the weird looking blonde person you can be sure that one of their friends will give them a nudge and point me out. I am a foreigner and I'm not allowed to forget it; not only is the staring a constant reminder that I'm different but it's a well-known fact that farangs sometimes get charged up to ten times more than Thais for all sorts of things which is ok if you're a tourist but not fair if you're earning a Thai wage like myself - it was only very recently that the government stopped openly encouraging this but it's still widely practiced. You can sometimes get around this if you can speak Thai to the vendor/shop owner in question or crack their secret code i.e. learn to read numbers in Thai script: 1=๑, 2=๒, 3=๓ etc. Having said all this, being Lampang's resident curio does have many perks; passers by often offer me lifts whilst I walk and people I've just met invite me for meals and days out, simply because I'm foreign; the kindness and warmth I've felt from some of the local people make me want to stay in Thailand forever! I really enjoy it when the braver Thais break the proverbial fourth wall and approach me to say a few words even if it's only to ask, "where you from?".

Thai-ified

Bangkok is the heart of Thailand when it comes to transport as most trains, planes, and buses head to, from or through it. This means it is the most convenient meeting place for me and my teacher friends who have been placed in different parts of Thailand (well, as convenient as an eight hour bus ride can be). We'd probably rather be dancing on the beaches of one of Thailand's southern islands of course but there just isn't enough time to travel the length of the country in just one weekend. I took the eight hour overnight bus that arrived in Bangkok at 4.30am and struggled to sleep due to the glacial air-con that they're so fond of in this country and the Thai woman in the seat next to me who wanted to look at all the photos on my phone and hold my hand as we slept...! Unfortunately I'm no stranger to uncomfortable and bizarre public transport journeys so once we reached the heaving Mo Chit bus station I gently reclaimed ownership of my hand and continued my journey unperturbed; I met my friends on Bangkok's sky train and in typical backpacking fashion we arrived at the hostel eons before we were allowed to check in so we dumped our bags and headed to Mcdondalds for a cheeky Western food fix after eating solely Thai food for quite a while. It's amazing how nostalgic a egg Mcmuffin can make you feel. After spending the day at Lumphini park, one of the metropolis's rare open spaces, I had my first proper pint in almost a year at an English style pub, went for dinner at a Mexican restaurant, danced the night away to American music followed by a Chinese massage and then a Japanese ice treat the next morning to cure our hangovers! Travel snobs, and I've met a lot of them, will undoubtedly sneer about how I should be experiencing THAI culture whilst living here - and believe me, I am living as much like a Thai person as possible every single day - but sometimes it's a nice change to go to the tourist spots and let loose for the weekend! 

SPOTTED at Lumphini park: giant millipedes, crocodile-sized Monitor lizards and women doing Tai-chi (photos are not to scale!!!!!!)

Teachers' reunion at the base of Bangkok's ghost tower.

My lovely friend, Naomi, lives in the east of Thailand and it would take me an entire day to travel to her town by bus. (Our matching outfits were accidental and it's not the first time it's happened!)

So it turns out that all you have to do to get a teaching job in Thailand is walk down the road and do your best impression of a white female; being a white female myself I'm certain I managed this well because I was stopped on a walk to Tesco Lotus (a 'Thai-ified' version of our Tesco) whilst on my weekly shop and was offered a part-time tutoring job at a language school before I'd even got the chance to say 'sawasdee ka' (hello). The woman was desperate for white, female English teachers (her words, not mine) and was not interested in knowing whether I was already a teacher, had any experience or whether or not I was a violent, international pervert on the loose (my words, not hers); just one week later, after providing my first name, phone number and no other details whatsoever, I was put in sole charge of small children on a rare Saturday that I wasn't away for the weekend in another part of Thailand. I was told to go through workbooks and chat to the children who, because they live in the town and have parents that are providing them extra tuition, have a higher standard of English than the students at my countryside school although at one point I did find myself being paid to play Jenga with a three year old for half an hour - nope, no complaints here! The school was on the other side of Lampang town so the owner kindly asked one of her staff to pick me up on her motorbike however I had to side-saddle it as I was wearing an impractical knee-length skirt as part of my 'Teacher Jennifer' disguise - as we sped down the eight lane motorway I had one hand holding down my broken helmet and the other occupied with a death-grip on my handbag meaning I was kept on the bike purely by luck and frantic bum clenching. After moonlighting as a private English tutor for four hours I met up with my friend Kiren who had come to visit me in Lampang for the weekend; we had mango smoothies, Thai sausages and papaya salad at Lampang's new night market and then spent the next few hours in a Thai club. As I've mentioned before these clubs are completely different to the sticky, crowded meat-markets that pass as clubs in the UK - expect to be seated the whole time, watch an entertaining live band play with an assortment of bored-looking, scantily-dressed Thai beauties as backing dancers, share drinks with others at your table, have ice cubes in your beer and jump out your skin every three minutes when the waitress sneaks up on you to refill your drink whether you wanted more or not!

This adorable 3yr old knew more English than some of my 13yr olds! I had to help him go to the toilet at one point - quite a change from confiscating smart phones from sulky teenagers at my school!

Clubbing - Thailand style!

Lampang's new night market where you can buy anything from a duck egg fetus to a Hello Kitty passport holder.

Respect for teachers is drummed into Thai students, there is even an annual, national teachers' day where students present gifts and speeches to their teachers during a ceremony. I didn't attend this one, unlike the numerous other ceremonies, and it's partly because, in my opinion, I'm not perceived to be a 'real teacher' (e.g. "Err, Miss, your M5/1 class won't be at your mid term exam today because they are decorating a candle in my office for the next three hours" in reference to an important English exam that had been planned for three weeks...); perhaps I'm merely here to show the government that the school has fulfilled their obligation to have a farang teacher since I've never had any of my classes observed by other teachers, never been given a curriculum or told what to teach and never been asked what I do during the eighteen classes I have every week. In many ways I love this as I'm free to teach whatever I please and it makes the job wonderfully stress-free however I'm dying to know whether I'm doing a good job or not! I heard a foreign teacher once describe herself as her school's 'mascot' and I couldn't agree more - the teachers, students and even the students' parents always want photos with me, I get friendly greetings literally hundreds of times a day, I'm often thrust onto stages and podiums for people to look at and the other teacher's are unbelievably warm and kind to me however, being the only foreigner at my school, I am very much an outsider because of the language barrier. Another reason why I couldn't attend the teachers' day was because I rely on another teacher to drive me to work and he, like all the other teachers, had to spend half the day driving to every single one of the school's 230 students' houses and interview each of their parents about how well behaved they are at home! What an incredible incentive to get children to behave!

The mid term exam I created for my older students was a presentation about ASEAN (The Association of South East Asian Nations). These lovely girls are from my M4/1 class.

I love going for meals with J-Muay and her family, we usually eat Thai food but this is me with her and her daughter at Long Jim's pizza which is meant to be the best in Thailand!

Scout's assembly in the gym.

Respect for teachers is a massive deal - students will not let me walk anywhere without carrying my stuff for me, they rush to wipe the boards and pick up stuff that I've dropped and they always make sure their heads are lower than mine which results in them kneeling at my feet if I'm sitting and a sort of head bob when the taller ones walk past me. They are still children in the end though and I have had my fair share of naughty kids. Each year is separated into two classes, "one good class and one naughty class", I was told. Some of the proclaimed 'bad classes' I would dread at first as children as old as 19 would run around screaming, lie on the floor and sleep, Skype their friends, play online poker, talk constantly even after being repeatedly told to be quiet or snigger at everything I said and blatantly speak about me in Thai. Some of these classes are actually now my favourites as I've managed to gain a bit of respect from them and we can have a giggle together; I've learnt to smile instead of getting frustrated and most importantly I've had to accept that in Thai culture talking constantly and loudly whilst other people are talking just isn't perceived to be rude - I've noticed that even the teachers do it when the headmaster is holding a meeting. When I broached the subject of naughty students with another teacher she indicated that they are the same with her and led me to her handbag out of which she produced a long wooden stick, "for hit naughty students", she said. Corporal punishment is illegal in Thailand nowadays but widely practiced and I highly doubt she hits them very hard - that being said I personally don't want to get involved with any of that despite the fact that some of the kids act up because they've learnt that I won't hit them. All this aside, most of my classes are absolute angels and make me laugh and smile all day so I often wonder how it's possible that I'm getting paid to have so much fun!