Crazy Monkey Day...

At 6am on Wednesday morning we arrived in Shimla after barely sleeping an hour on our broken seats in the ancient overnight bus. Before the coach had even stopped a gaggle of touts had gathered at the door to fight over the potential business they might get from us whether it be a taxi ride or a hotel room. Our plan was to spend just a few hours in Shimla to see the giant statue of the Hindu monkey god, Hanuman, whilst we waited for our toy train ride to Delhi however we didn't know whether there would be train tickets available, when the station opened or how far away the statue was so we moved away from the bus to figure out what to do. Fifteen to twenty touts stalked us whilst we collected our luggage and followed us all around the bus station before surrounding us whilst we opened our bags to retrieve our phones and maps. We begged them to stop harassing us but they moved closer and closer grabbing at our arms and our luggage- we were exhausted and at breaking point. We eventually decided to go to the station and book our tickets as early as possible because the thought of having to stay in this town for a night because the train was full was not appealing. We patiently waited for an hour until the booking office opened and when it did several local men barged past me in the queue; finally I got to the counter only to be told that last minute toy train bookings could only be done in two hours time and there was a complicated four step process for doing so. We were so unbelievably agitated at this point but nevertheless we decided to make the most of the two hours so we dragged our luggage to get a taxi to the statue. Whilst walking we spotted loads of wild monkeys right near us; suddenly I felt a gush of hot liquid fall down on me from above and I screamed and looked up and realised a monkey had urinated all over my head and face!!!! Paula thought from my scream that I had been bitten and in a panic she accidentally launched herself into a massive bush of stinging nettles! There we were at the side of the road - I was bent over and almost throwing up because I had monkey wee in my mouth and Paula was jumping around itching herself all over! Paula gave me some antiseptic liquid to wash my mouth with because in our panic we were worried I might contract rabies; just as a taxi pulled up for us I started foaming at the mouth and let's just say I was panicking like crazy because I was now convinced I was infected. Thankfully Paula quickly explained that it was the antiseptic that made that happen. The taxi driver looked at us like we were insane so I tried to tell him - "A MONKEY JUST WEED ON MY HEAD!!" - he didn't understand and I felt like he needed an explanation for our hysterics so, at the side of a busy road in north India, I dramatically mimed a monkey weeing on my head. We eventually got in the car and asked to go to Jakhu temple where the giant monkey statue was. Once I was almost certain I didn't have rabies we took one look at each other and burst into fits of laughter; Paula had angry bumps all over her body from the stinging nettles and I had a massive, acrid damp patch on my hair and clothes and a sour, musty taste in my mouth...

The giant pink statue of the Hindu monkey god Hanuman was worth the visit! 

The monkey statue happens to be surrounded by thousands of actual monkeys -coincidence?

My surreal, 'The Grand Budapest Hotel'-style photo. That guy better look where he's going otherwise he could be the next monkey wee victim.

Just after I took a photo of one of the monkeys that lived in the statue grounds it started hissing at Paula in a really threatening way and started to quickly approach us; we'd had enough monkey drama for one day so as it started to chase us we grabbed some rocks and it scurried off. We navigated our way past gangs of monkeys and sprinted back to the taxi clutching piles of rocks just in case. It was time to leave Shimla. Thankfully we managed to get our tickets on the toy train; the Shimla toy train refers to the slim, old fashioned train track that winds around the sides of hills and mountains for six hours and looks just like a child's train set. Whilst the steam trains are long gone it is still a slow, rickety, scenic little train with dramatic views. The seats were so small and uncomfortable and every hour or so the train would stop and men would try to sell us chai tea and food through the windows however we didn't need to eat because we'd bought a 'super deluxe packed lunch' for 55 rupees at the station before the train left; this consisted of rice, daal, chapati, curd and chickpea curry (an extremely traditional Indian meal). We sat squashed together with one bum cheek each on the minuscule seats and ate the curry that was balanced on our laps with our hands whilst hundreds of strangers stared at us.

This is the evil monkey that tried to attack us - you can tell from this photo that he has an attitude problem!!

The Shimla to Kalka toy train.

The impressive view from the carriage - it was (almost) all worth it!

After six hours on the toy train we boarded a regular train to Delhi which was packed full of men selling samosas and omelettes wrapped in tin foil at every stop. We were stared at continually for seven hours (there were no other women or tourists around). Finally we reached Delhi after twenty seven hours of travelling, several days without a shower and far too many hours covered in monkey wee.