The Keralan Shuffle

I met my friend at Mumbai airport and a day later we got on a flight south to Kochi in Kerala. I've been very excited about heading to the south of India as I've been told by many people how beautiful the scenery is and how relaxed the people are. We got off the plane and were met by glorious blue skies and lovely warm weather. Our taxi to our hotel had us driving past lush green fields, miles of rivers and palm tree jungles - I've never seen so many palm trees in my life! When we got to our hotel they upgraded us to a suite for no extra charge!

Fort Kochi in Kerala is famous for its Chinese fishing nets which is an ancient form of fishing that is slowly disappearing.

A fisherman insisted on taking our photo (for a tip of course!!).

The Indian state of Kerala has many traditional art forms and we went to see a performance that showcased a variety of these; I can honestly say I don't think I've ever watched something so weird and pointless! They gave us a 90 minute tutorial on things such as dramatic eye and eyebrow movement common in traditional Keralan theatre which basically involved a man in drag rolling his eyes and raising his eyebrows again and again and again....!

Eye rolling whilst watching eye rolling.

Kerala's main draw is the miles of backwaters nestled amongst palm tree jungles set back from the coast. We booked our own house boat for 24 hours and had our own crew - a driver and a cook  -to attend to our every need! On our way there the taxi driver wasn't paying attention and we screeched to halt and skidded across the road; to be honest I'm surprised this is my first experience of a road accident here because the driving is crazy! We got on the steel framed boat covered in thatch that looked like a giant wicker basket and were shown to our room which was in the middle of the boat, the front consisted of a dining area and a seating area for us and the crew's quarters and kitchen were in a small space at the back. We put on some music, opened some beers and cruised down the rivers for hours in the sun.

All the boats looked like baskets!

Some of the backwaters were fringed with small villages.

They cooked us what I can only describe as an Indian feast; I had fish that had been caught in the backwaters that morning by the cook and it was delicious. All day I had been temped to jump in to the water so as the sun was setting the driver took us to a suitable spot and we catapulted ourselves in and tried not to think about all the fish, crocs and other weird things that could be lurking in the water.

Jumping in!

All sorts of slimy reeds were getting tangled round my legs and neck and we swam against the strong current for while before scrambling back on to the boat.

As the sun set we were served another feast and we spent the evening playing cards and drinking beer with the cook whilst watching fire flies in the distance and trying not to get bitten too much by all the insects that were invading the boat. The cook taught us the 'Keralan shuffle' when it was his turn to shuffle the cards - basically this involved clumsily slapping the cards a few times and dropping half of them on the floor.

The view when we woke up.

The next morning we had breakfast and cruised back to the dock where a driver was waiting for us to take us to our next destination - five star Ramada Resort, Cochin. We had seen this hotel online whilst looking for places to stay and we decided to treat ourselves for one night - we'd found a travel agency that gave us a good price.

We definitely got our money's worth as we used all the facilities from 11am on the first day to 6pm on the second: pool, sun deck, table tennis and gym to name a few. 

120m 'meandering' pool on an island surrounded by backwater rivers.

We'd booked a 14 hour overnight train to Goa on Friday night and I was so sun-burnt and in pain from two gym sessions that it was a very uncomfortable journey!

Bollywood Dreams

Hetty and Sam, the couple I had met on the train a week ago, had to leave for Delhi at 4am in the morning as they had to catch a flight back to London. We all shared a room to save money (£1 each: new record!!) and after they left I slept for ages. Every now and again I have a sort out of my bag to try and streamline my belongings; one thing I gave away was my shalwar kameez that I'd had made for me - it didn't fit very well at all despite me having it altered plus it was taking up a lot of space.

I made sure I got photos of the outfit before I left it in Pushkar - it consists of a tunic, baggy trousers and a scarf which I've kept. The women in India wear these daily in all different colours.

The next morning I got on a train to Mumbai that took nineteen hours and covered 1000km. When I arrived it was 6am, it was raining and I was tired. I got in a taxi and agreed the price, when we arrived they scammed me by swapping the note I'd given them for a lower one and claiming I hadn't paid them enough - they wouldn't give me my bag until I paid them again! I was so angry, mainly with myself because after four years working in a bank I should know this classic trick! They managed to thieve the equivalent of £5 and then I had to pay them another £4.50 - doesn't sound like a lot does it? But in actual fact this means over half my entire daily budget had gone and it was only 7am, plus Mumbai is very expensive compared to the rest of India.

I had booked myself in advance into a hostel to save money and I'd seen on Trip Advisor reviews that the owner has a friend who works for Bollywood and often asks him whether any of the guests want to be extras in a film for the day (film makers like to employ white extras as it gives their films an international flair!). I'm going to share with you a life long dream of mine - I have always wanted to be in a Bollywood film!! Unfortunately the owner's friend didn't need anyone in the few days I was in Mumbai however I've heard that you can be head hunted by recruiters in certain parts of the city so I spent my first day in Mumbai hanging around these areas trying to look as white as possible in the hope I'd be approached!! Unfortunately this never happened but I had a great day navigating my way around the city metro system; I was quite proud of this because riding the Mumbai trains is a crazy and sometime terrifying experience - picture rammed carriages with people spilling out onto the tracks and hundreds of Indians hanging out the edges of moving trains.

Email from hostel owner after I inquired about his Bollywood connections.

I also saw my first Asian beach! There was a festival going on where clay intricate, handmade models of the god, Durga, were thrown into the sea by boys covered in pink paint.

Durga Puja.

Part of the Mumbai skyline.

This is called bhelpuri and is spicy puffed rice with vegetables. It's Indian fun fair food, equivalent to our hot dogs!

Once I'd arrived at the nearest station to my hostel I tried to get a rickshaw back which I'd done easily and cheaply on the way to the station that morning; it was so strange because the drivers all refused to take me. I asked over twenty in total and they all took one look at me or one look at the address of the hostel and shook their heads and drove off! I had to beg two Indian girls to hail a rickshaw and pretend it was for them until the driver agreed however once I got in he drove 100m, stopped and told me to get out!! It was dark and I was wondering around Mumbai by myself for over an hour trying to get back to my hostel. Every other day I've been in India I've been plagued by pushy rickshaw drivers trying to get my business yet today it was the opposite.

The next day I took a fascinating tour around Dharavi slum where the film 'Slumdog Millionaire' was set and where over 1 million people live. I met two friendly guys from Germany at the hostel and they decided to come as well. Before it started I was approached by a glamorous looking man and woman and they asked me whether I wanted to be in a Bollywood film on Monday!!! I was so upset to tell them that I had a flight booked to go to the south of India and so couldn't do it!! By some miracle they said they were making a film in Goa at the end of the month when I'll be there and they have given me their business card!

Yes! I've been head hunted!! Life long dream alert!!

The slum tour was led by a charity who puts the profits back into the slum for things like education and our guide took us through tiny dark alleys with wires hanging all around, to watch women drying out poppadoms in the sun, to the commercial part where people work in horrendously squalid and cramped conditions and to what he comically called the '5 star section' where some shacks even had cable television! We walked past some boys playing cricket on a heap of rubbish and one of them poked me quite hard in the chest with his cricket bat in front of everyone - obviously we were quite a fascinating sight to the slum dwellers.

I wasn't allowed to take photos in the slum but this is the edge of it.

Experiencing slum life was exhausting in the heat and so the to Germans and I went for a meal and a couple of beers that evening to recuperate. We were talking quite loudly and a waiter told us to be quiet, it wasn't until later when I was walking across the restaurant and a man handed me a napkin with writing on it that I discovered he'd been the one that asked us to shut up. He'd heard I was English and had taken it upon himself to write me a to-do list in Asia, one of these was 'old monk kum thumbs up'!!!! A few mins later the waiter returned with three glasses of rum (called 'Old Monk') with (they use the word kum when they mean 'with') coke (Thumbsup is India's version of coke!) and said the man from across the restaurant had bought them for us so we 'cheersed' him across the room and ended up chatting.

To do list.

It was my turn to chose the drinks so I asked the bar man to create a mystery drink - I have no recollection of what was so funny in this photo :)

Desert and Desserts

Pushkar in Rajasthan is surrounded by desert and I decided I wanted to go on a camel safari; my English friends, Sam and Hetty, and I set off in the afternoon into the Thar desert on some of the biggest camels I've ever seen. At first I didn't feel good about riding them and making them carry my weight and also I wasn't sure about the way they are controlled through a piercing in their septum; we only rode them for an hour at a time and when we arrived at the camp they were able to roam free in the shrubby desert all evening where they ate and rolled around so they looked like they have quite happy lives. 

It was really bumpy and sometimes they'd trot which was just like being on a horse. 

The camels were given regular rest stops.

The Thar desert.

We were led to our camp which consisted of a fire pit and three mats on the floor for us to sleep on; the camel men prepared dinner for us (typical Indian food - rice, daal, chapati and spicy pickle) and they even managed to get beer for us from a local village despite the strict rules against alcohol in Pushkar. As it got darker more and more stars became visible in the sky until it was absolutely teeming with twinkling lights! We laid on the mats for hours after dinner chatting and watching shooting stars - it was magical! I saw a black and white tarantula with my torch on my way to the loo and the camel man said-"ahh no problem, no problem, they only sometimes hurt people". Very reassuring.

We were told that the fences around the camp stop desert dogs from attacking!

Sunset.

After sleeping under the stars the rising sun over the mountains was our natural alarm clock the next morning; our blankets and clothes were damp from the morning dew and whilst the camel men prepared chai for us we brushed off all the wet sand and packed our stuff to go.

Sunrise.

Once we were back in the town we spent the day trying to even out the ridiculous sunburn lines we had acquired whilst biking. We went to a pool recommended by my guide book but it had a fish in it and monkey poo all around the edges so instead of going in we sat poolside (pooside) near palm trees under the strong Indian sunshine.

Sunburn!!!

Hot dogs or legs?

We went for ice cream that night and I also tried the popular tourist dessert called 'Hello to the Queen'.

Every shop has a 'cow stick' to prevent this from happening however the owner of this shop was probably too busy having a snooze on the shop floor to scare the cow away with a stick!

This is probably why that cow got to snack on a dress as it's a common sight in India - this photo is from a few weeks ago in Varanasi.

"Anything possible in Pushkar"

My next destination was a town called Pushkar which had a reputation for being much less manic than the bigger towns and cities I'd been in recently. This is mainly because there are no rickshaws here, and therefore no pushy rickshaw drivers, but also because it is a holy town and residents and visitors must abide by certain rules: no alcohol, eggs or meat, a curfew of 11pm and everyone must dress modestly. Doesn't sound very fun does it? I went with Hetty and Sam (the English couple that I'd spent time with in the past two cities) and we soon found out that none of these rules apply if you have enough money to pay people off; "anything possible in Pushkar" we were told by one particularly smug bar owner. When we arrived we found a guesthouse at a price that is an all time record for me so far-my room for that night was £1.50 (however I did have to share a vile bathroom)! Pushkar, like many Indian towns, is full off tourist hippies and is yet another place that has been partially colonised by young Israeli tourists; Israelis often travel before they begin uni (which is after their mandatory army service) and India is a very popular destination amongst them.

There's a restaurant on the roof of our hotel and in it lives a family of tortoises that roam free.

Pushkar is in the state of Rajasthan and it's located within the Thar desert; it is flanked on all sides by small, tree-covered mountains and has a holy lake in the middle around which the town is centred. We went down to the lake and were accosted by three Brahmin; these holy men are members of the highest caste in Hinduism and traditionally act as spiritual guides, teaching other castes about the holy books. Although we protested they forced us to sit by the lake and perform a lengthy puja (prayer); this involved throwing flowers, spices and rice ceremonially into the water and strangely enough I was asked to cradle a coconut whilst chanting out loud about good health for my family - squatting at the banks of the lake at sunset whilst singing the names of my entire family next to a Brahmin in a white dress was one of the most surreal moments of my life. The Brahmin then smeared a curry powder bindi on me and stuck rice onto my forehead. After the fifteen minute coconut-curry powder-puja he demanded a steep donation and blocked my path until I relented and gave him a small amount of money in exchange for my freedom; he then wrapped a red and yellow string around my wrist to let others know I had donated.

We weren't happy about being forced to give the men money but we couldn't stay unhappy for long in such a beautiful place!

Nine out of every ten photos taken in India contain a cow: FACT! 

(ok, I may have made that up but it seems pretty plausible to me).

The next morning we hired small motor bikes/scooters and went exploring; considering I've never driven anything before it was terrifying on the Indian roads at first especially since everyone overtakes each other, there are often no road markings or lanes, people beep their horns constantly right in your ear and there are massive potholes everywhere that you have to swerve to miss (combine this with someone overtaking you and it's a recipe for disaster!). Probably the biggest danger though was the myriad animals that would run in front of me or sit in the middle of the road: dogs, pigs, monkeys, goats, horses, camels, peacocks and of course cows - at one point we had to navigate our way through a mass cow orgy that was getting aggressive!

My 'beast' of a bike.

We biked up the sides of mountains and on to another town where we had lunch in a cafe full of local people. The sun was shining and the Indian countryside was stunning; I now completely understand the fascination with biking - the views were amazing and it was really fun going as fast as possible once I'd got used to the bike. Villagers we passed would all shout "hello!" and children would hold out their hands so we could give them high fives as we drove past; I had to take my hand off the break to do this and I was very close to running one of them over at one point! Men on bikes would try and talk to us while we were driving and on one occasion two men on a passing moped slapped my arm so hard that it caused my bike to swerve and I very nearly fell off!

The Indian countryside.

Waving!

Local woman carrying supplies.

View from rooftop terrace restaurant - Pushkar is fast becoming one of my favourite places in India so far.

A Taste of the Real India

My guide, Manish, had arranged to show me more of real Indian life on Friday so we got on a city bus to another part of Jaipur (this city is the capital of the Indian state Rajasthan and has a similar population size to London) to watch a Bollywood film called 'The Creature'. It was meant to be a horror film but I was distracted because the men were wearing more eye liner than the women! The film was in Hindi with no subtitles however TV and films in India bizarrely have their actors say half a sentence in English every now and again so I could understand about 10% of it.

I've mentioned the staring a lot within my blog posts but that is because it's a massive part of my everyday life here, none more so than this day. Because I had been taken to places where westerners don't go I felt like I was being hunted! People were following us and I was being watched by everyone and it started to feel claustrophobic. Manish kept saying "don't worry you are with me" and however nice he was he just couldn't understand that being gawped at relentlessly by massive crowds is a horrible feeling. I tried to tolerate it (as I have for the past six weeks) but it was too much so I insisted that we leave the area as soon as possible - I felt suffocated!

He showed me around his village filled with crumbling buildings and children asking for coins; we watched the local boys play cricket whilst Manish outlined the plots of his top ten Bollywood films. After asking whether I was hungry he told me that alongside some of the villagers he was going to throw a barbecue in my honour outside an abandoned temple! I had no idea what this entailed but whilst the men were shopping and preparing things I met his family; there were four generations living under one roof as well as siblings and cousins - this is partly because they cannot afford separate houses but also because they value family above everything and share every aspect of their lives including food, money etc. We muddled through with their broken English, the few words I'd learnt in Hindi and some dramatic miming. The little children were scared of me at first because they'd also never seen a white person however after a few hours they were singing and dancing for me and even a showing off their English work from school!

They were all fascinated with my camera and its settings, especially the grandma so I taught her how to take a selfie!

The peice of land they use as a playing field was surrounded by ancient walls that lead to the palace.

The food was prepared on the ground outside the old temple and I was told that it was an authentic Rasathani meal that they cooked once a month as a treat; it was a curry with huge chunks of paneer (an Indian cheese not unlike halloumi although not as salty), ginger, garlic, potatoes, tomatoes, coriander and lots of chilies. They made dough and I sat on the floor and helped to roll it into balls; meanwhile a fire was lit under a pile of dried cow pats and once it was hot they tapped it down into a mound and I couldn't believe it when they chucked the balls of dough uncovered into the cow pat pile to cook!

In the background you can see the burning pile of cow pats.

Once the cow pats were ash the dough was put inside to cook.

Everything works on 'Indian time' here which means if someone says 5 mins it means an hour; Manish asked me at 4.30pm whether I was hungry and by 11.30pm the food was finally ready!!! It was worth the wait as it was the most delicious food I'd had in India and finally I got the chili high I was searching for! We sat on the floor and ate with our hands Indian style - I had oil dripping down my arms and a wild dog was sniffing around trying to share my food.

They asked me to take this photo of them but in typical Indian style they didn't smile.

I was a while away from my guesthouse and had an early bus in the morning so I was anxious to get back, particularly because all the woman had long gone to bed and I was in a quiet, dark village. There were no rickshaws so Manish's friend kindly drove me back (it was an hour round trip!) and on they way we saw some police; they told me to get down and hide because if a westerner was seen in a car with Indian men they would launch a big investigation and not let us go until they were satisfied I wasn't being kidnapped!

Planking on an Elephant's Head

I slept most of Wednesday and only emerged from my hotel for the most essential supplies i.e. water, diet coke and pomegranates, the latter being my new addiction - I eat them in my room with my swiss army knife. On Thursday I had arranged to meet an Indian man called Manish who my friend, Paula, had previously hired as a guide (and later a 'bodyguard' in Delhi). My rickshaw was ten minutes late to our agreed meeting place and I couldn't see him anywhere so I asked the nearest man if I could use his phone; as I dialled the number and pressed the call button the screen flashed up with the name Manish! "You know Manish??", I asked in surprise - what were the chances? At that moment Manish appeared with a Diet Coke in his hand that he'd bought especially for me as Paula had told him I like it (it isn't easy to find here). He showed me around Jaipur's ancient Amber Palace which had taken over 150 years to build. He was unlike a lot of the men I had encountered here because he didn't stare or ask a thousand intrusive questions; instead we chatted about India and our respective lives.

Jaipur's Amber Palace.

Ancient floating saffron gardens.

One of the many many honey bee hives in Jaipur.

We went to a temple and a priest who looked about 100 years old wearing only an orange loin cloth painted a red bindi on our foreheads. I was expecting him to ask for money afterwards but because I was with my Indian guide he didn't. In fact, having a man with me, particularly an Indian one, meant I was protected from everyone who sees me as a 'walking wallet' and I got 'Indian prices' for everything (prices are never marked and usually people take one look at my white face and quadruple the price). We sat and had tea with his family members and friends; I felt very comfortable around them and we chatted for ages. Next he took me to an elephant village which is a charity set up to promote the welfare of the Indian elephants.

His friend took us to the elephant sanctuary on his motorbike and he asked Manish if he could take a photo of us on it because he had never spoken to a white person before!

They asked me whether I wanted to ride the elephant the western way or the fun way, naturally I chose the fun way and this meant riding on my own with no saddle or seat! They asked the same question about getting on the elephant - did I want to use a ladder or do it the fun way?? Stupid question. The elephant held out its trunk for me and I stood on it while holding its ears from the front and it lifted me over its head. Right at that moment my trousers split at the bum all the way from the crotch down to the back of my knees and everything was on show!!! I was planking on the elephant's head with my backside on show and I had no idea how I was going to manoeuvre on to it whilst maintaining what little dignity I had left! Never have I been in a more ridiculous situation!

PLANKING on an elephant's head!!!

Eventually I got in to a seated position on the elephant's shoulders after several minutes of thrashing around; I quickly tucked my trousers around me and tried desperately to forget what had just happened whilst searching the ten Indian men's faces that were watching to gauge how much they had seen. They taught me how to 'drive' the elephant as I sat on its neck with its shoulder joints undulating beneath me making me feel like I was going to topple off!

Riding the elephant Indian style!

As soon as I got off I wrapped my cardigan around me and scuttled off. Manish was a perfect gentleman and assured me nobody saw anything but I highly doubt that and I think he was just trying to be nice.

It started raining like crazy when we were waiting for a bus back-this is me with my Indian guide completely soaked.

The bus was full of locals and they just couldn't believe what they saw when a soaked, bare-shouldered western girl got on with a Indian man. Manish took me to buy some trousers straight away thankfully! We ate lunch at a village cafe and the cooks were shocked when I asked for the parathas (Indian bread) to be more spicy. The food was insanely cheap and tasty. After eating Manish took me to get my palm read; the man asked me nothing about myself and proceeded to tell me that I'm going to live until at least 80, my job line shows I'm going to start a career at the age of 28 and may even start my own business. He says I am not appreciated enough by people around me and my downfalls are a quick temper and being too much of a perfectionist!

I had arranged to meet the English couple for dinner (the ones I had met on the train to Agra - they were now in the same place as me) and I had to down two coffees because I was exhausted from being up all night with infuriatingly itchy mosquito bites. We all like spicy food and implored the waiters to hit us with their best attempt but it still wasn't hot enough! We aren't sure whether Indians being hardcore with spicy food is a myth or whether they dull it down for us despite our relentless requests to make it as spicy as possible; although there are chilies in a lot of dishes I think India's reputation for spicy food is misinterpreted and it is perhaps spices rather than hotness that this refers to. As we left the restaurant a man with a creepy puppet insisted on putting on a show for us - he gave us all a handmade toy elephant despite us saying we had no money to give him. He asked for a souvenir in return, we had nothing so Sam gave him the equivalent of £1, I gave him 6p and a shopping receipt and Hetty gave him a hand massage! He seemed satisfied with this and so we got up and went on our way!

One of my favourite days in India so far!