A Fake Tour?

For all those years and months I spent dreaming about my travels and planning where I'd go I'd always thought of one place when I'd picture Vietnam: Halong Bay. For those of you who haven't been (and for those who didn't watch the Top Gear Vietnam special!!) Halong Bay is a collection of nearly 2000 limestone islands and islets off the Northeast coast of Vietnam where pillars of rock steeply protrude out of the water creating an almost mythical quality to the area's outstanding beauty. Any visitor to the area must comb their way through the multitude of tour groups and travel agencies to avoid getting a 'fake' tour; companies in Asia don't often strive for originality, instead copying whoever is doing best at that time resulting in ten hostels in one city with the same name, restaurants with identical signs right next door to each other and an awful lot of confused travellers scratching their heads whilst standing in the street scrutinising their Google Maps apps. We'd been recommended the three day 'Castaway Tour' by many people our age along the way and scoured the streets of Hanoi for what we were sure was the real deal. We took a bus from the capital to Halong city where we boarded a boat and headed straight for a limestone cave inside one of the islands that make up the UNESCO world heritage site. Our guide didn't explain the cave to us very thoroughly so we proceeded to make up wild stories about its possible history, much to the amusement of other groups who overheard!

When we arrived the mountains were shrouded in mist which only added to the mystical atmosphere.

We kayaked through a tiny eroded archway in the rock and into an echoey, secluded cove; it was flanked by giant pillars which were peppered with trees.

On our first night we had a lesson on how to make spring rolls. In fact, we were informed by our tour guide, Jeff, that Vietnamese men look for good spring roll-making skills when choosing a wife!

Halong bay is a popular tourist attraction however the uninhabitable shape of most of the mountains means that the majority of it remains untouched.

The next morning we were woken up early by Jeff who announced he had a day full of activities planned for us. Let me paint a picture for you - we'd had a free bar for three hours the night before, we'd had only a few hours sleep, we were hungover....we did not feel like activities. Nevertheless we dragged our weary bodies out of the boat and to a pearl farm. There we saw oysters being gently cut open and stuffed with tiny white objects or 'irritants', nobody offered us an explanation as to why they were doing this but we later found out (thank you, Google) that the pearl is formed as the oyster tries to protect itself by forming layers of nacre over the foreign object and cultured pearls only have about a 10% success rate. Next on the agenda was a four mile bike ride and I could almost hear the mass *groan* from everybody however this turned out to be incredible!

It was fascinating to watch the oysters being cut open however we left the farm with more questions than when we arrived.

We biked around an island past mountain goats perched on imperceptible ledges, rice paddies, wild puppies and tunnels. 

What a great way to clear out all the cobwebs!

Halong translates as 'descending dragon' and the legend is that a mountain dragon created the bay with its tail.

Finally, we were taken to 'Monkey Island' to do some rock climbing. Yes, this paragraph is somethingaboutmonkeys! Wahey! I had one flip flop on and one trainer (a cunning footwear plan designed to allow one foot to get wet and the other to climb over sharp rocks) and as I was posing for a photo on a high part of rock a monkey came along and swiftly grabbed the bag I had with the other two shoes in; luckily I was able to snatch it off him and run away otherwise I'd have been stuck with my strange choice of footwear for a while! That evening we docked at Cat Ba island, a large, inhabited island, where we stayed for the night before heading back the next morning. The trip was lacking a bit of information and organisation here and there (at one point the boat drove away from an island leaving two people behind accidentally...) so we can only speculate as to whether we got a 'fake' Castaway tour or not. That aside we had an unforgettable three days and who can complain when you're surrounded by such incredible scenery?!

Scaling the side of the cliff.

Something about monkeys following you (check out who's lurking in the background of this photo).

Our climb was rewarded with amazing views - we plonked ourselves down at the top and had one of those completely contented moments you only really get when surrounded by breathtaking scenery.

Our boat passed a fishing village, these people live and work on these floating platforms which are loosely arranged into streets and some even have pet dogs.

Phi Phi Piss-Head Party

On my last day at the farm in Malaysia my hosts said I'd 'graduated' from the university of Green Wish with distinction because of my hard work and enthusiasm; I was pleased about this considering in the heat I felt I was moving slower than the clockwise snails...

Kenny drove me to the bus station and I caught a coach to Kuala Lumpa airport where I flew into Bangkok to meet my friend Janine who has come to visit me from home! We spent two nights in Bangkok at the backpacker centre of the world, Khao San road, where I introduced Janine to the staple Thai backpacker diet: pad thai, Chang beer and 7/11 toasties! We met up with some girls I'd made friends with a few months ago and sampled a savoured Khao San delicacy - deep fried scorpion.

The scorpion's claws were crunchy and the body tasted like...mushy dead scorpion. You just wanted me to say chicken didn't you. 

I'm all templed out after 5 months in Asia but I had to show Janine a little culture in between beers and beaches so we visited a Buddhist temple where we had to wear skirts to cover our legs.

We took an overnight bus to Koh Phi Phi Island. Many say that Phi Phi's beauty is its own demise and I can see why - turquoise waters, dramatic hills and palm trees have attracted a culture of lairy piss-heads (mainly British!) that crowd around the myriad bars that flank the powdery beaches. Our hostel was constantly full of rowdy groups of lads who would shout and play music 24/7 regardless of who was sleeping; you need to expect this a little with hostels but never have I stayed somewhere as loud as this! 

One night, whilst we were sitting outside, a snake slithered by and a Thai guy hit it with a brick -  the next thing we knew a cat had come along, grabbed the snake and run off with it!

Although the rainy season is meant to be over there were a few wet days and on one of these we took a boat trip around the island which took us to a beach full of monkeys and gave us the opportunity to go cliff jumping; the water was so choppy that most people refused to jump however myself and two guys threw ourselves off the boat and battled with the waves to reach the side of a razor sharp rock which we climbed up and then jumped off (after cutting our legs open on the rocks).

Monkey News: it has been confirmed that monkeys like bananas.

It turns out that a boat trip is the best cure for a hangover.

Cliff jump!

With a 'when in Rome...' attitude we joined the Phi Phi piss-head party many times whilst Janine was visiting. There's a bar on the island that has a full size boxing ring in the middle and they kindly give you a bucket of alcohol if you volunteer to fight Muay Thai boxing. We watched two men fight in the ring and one got knocked out for 15 minutes whilst his mates downed his free bucket...nice friends. I couldn't resist giving it a go and ended up volunteering to fight a Dutch girl I'd met five minutes before hand; we agreed to go as hard as we could and forgive each other for whatever damage was caused! We went for three one-minute rounds and ended up being declared joined winners. I came away from it with a bucket, a medal and a giant bruise on my arm - yes, it was worth it!

Thanks Janine for the pre-fight smack talk - it got me all pumped up!

Muay Thai boxing allows kicking as well as punching (yay?).

After 10 days of Changovers Janine had to catch her flight and leave Thailand. I've been away for five months now so it was both brilliant and surreal having a visitor from home whom I could share a part of my trip with. After she'd left I couldn't bear the hostel we'd been staying at by myself so I found another one and when I walked in to the twelve bed dorm I was surrounded by eleven randy, rowdy men and I could see this was no different to the previous one. Thankfully, three hostels later, I found one that seemed to be a little less 'boys on tour' and settled in there for three nights to wait for my next visitors from England.

Dancing with the enemy; the Dutch girl I fought joined us on the beach later on.

Watching the sunset from the viewpoint.

Beautiful Phi Phi.

Life on the Farm (Part Two)

After five days at the farm another volunteer arrived, a German girl called Romy. She joined Kenny and I as we continued with the farm work; we weeded pineapple fields, harvested tiny cucumbers the size of a fingernail, picked mulberrys (another favourite job of mine because I couldn't help eating them as I worked!) as well as collecting and cutting a strange looking fruit called roselle that Lee-May makes into jam for breakfast. Every day we had breakfast, snacks and lunch prepared for us but were expected to cook dinner for ourselves however we were often so full from all the amazing food given to us that we skipped dinner. Kenny and Lee-May were very concerned about this - they explained that in their culture, because of the history of food shortages during the war, food is the main topic of conversation and they will eat a meal even if they don't feel hungry. Having said this they were both tiny, Romy and I looked like hideous giants when we stood next to them!

Delicious spiky fruit similar to lycées called Rambutan (named after the Malay word for hair) with a seed in the centre that tastes like mange tout.

Lee May showing us how to eat the latest delicacy she had cooked for us

This is a Thai appestiser and the idea is to wrap a little of all the ingredients, eat it in one mouthful and wait for the explosion of flavours!

The farm has the mantra 'love and gratitude'.

Papayas are Kenny's main fruit - before I came to the farm I detested them (they tasted like drain water to me) but now they are one of my favourite fruits because of how organic and fresh they are.

As well as the history of famine in Malaysia my hosts taught me many other things about the country and its history as well as hoards of information about organic farming; there we'd be squatting by a vegetable patch whilst Kenny explained the shape of the ginger plant roots, why the snails' shells curl clockwise here and the opposite way back in Europe, or he'd tell me about the history of the native Asli people that up until recently used to live in the jungle but were forced to join modern society by the government. Romy and I visited a nearby waterfall one afternoon - we walked up the side of it and as we were approaching a dark, forested area we realised we were being watched and followed by two young Indian men; Romy was quite worried about this however I'd had it happen several times in India so I asked them to leave us alone - they couldn't comprehend why watching and following women is unacceptable. We spent the rest of the afternoon hovering around families...

The waterfall.

Kenny showed me how to prepare jack fruits, "The big bits you put in the box and the small bits go in your mouth.". Awesome method.

Pineapple field.

This is how pineapples start their lives!

Pulling Tapioca from the ground!

Monkey News:
One night I was woken up by a clattering sound on the roof and then it sounded like someone was trying to get into my room (my room is a small building on its own surrounded by dark jungle). It took me ages to work out what it was until I thought back to something Kenny had said about the "big and unfriendly" monkeys in the foothills! I could hear the door knob starting to turn as the monkey alternated between the roof and the door and I was so relieved I'd locked it until I realised I'd left the key in the door and it was only a matter of time before the monkey worked out how to use it! I waited for him to clamber back up before I quickly removed the key but the monkey continued to terrorise me for hours after that, pacing the roof and I could see his silhouette trying to peer into the window. Kenny finds this hilarious and now refers to this monkey as my 'boyfriend'....

Ectoplasm

'Popping' to Malaysia wasn't originally on my itinerary but it makes sense to visit peninsular Malaysia so I can re-enter Thailand and get another thirty day visa as I have visitors coming to see me in Thailand over the Christmas period. Before I reach Kuala Lumpa, where I'll fly back into Thailand, I have two weeks to explore the country so I caught an overnight ferry from Koh Tao which I heard one man describe as a 'slave ship' because it consists of a large cabin with row after row of bunk beds. After two subsequent bus trips and two rides in the back of pick-up trucks, 22 hours later I arrived at the Malaysian island Penang, which is not far from the border, and I made my way to a hostel recommended to me called Reggae.

My hostel room had 12 beds all inserted into the wall with a curtain for privacy and your own light and plug socket.

Georgetown in Penang has lots of street art that you can walk amongst (it mainly depicts cats and nobody seemed to know why)

I was in Penang for three days and each morning when I came down for breakfast the old man working there would give me a hug and babble away in what I thought was Malay but later found out was extremely strong-accented English; his name was Charlie and he arranged a trip to Penang's Monkey Beach with me and some other people from the hostel.

'Uncle Charlie'; I thought he was earning money out of the excursion but it turns out he just likes hanging around with young people!

Monkey beach.

Here's something about monkeys for you: they are aggressive and thieving!

My bandaged leg prevented me from swimming (boohoo poor me...).

Malaysia is known for its eclectic mix of cultures, namely Malay, Chinese and Indian, and Penang's street food famously exhibits the culinary best of these cultures and I was determined to try some before I moved on so I went to a food hawker stall area with some other people from Reggae hostel.

The food court was a collection of tables surrounded by food stalls from all around the world from Japan to Armenia.

I was so excited to try a prawn Laksa after hearing people rave about Penang street food but I'm sorry to say it was foul and reminded me of the Myanmar 'monkey poo soup'...

Bag snatching by motorcyclists is common here so imagine how scared I was when a man on a bike grabbed hold of my arm on the street as he rode past! Thankfully he was just warning me to wear my bag across my body which I usually do but I'd got distracted because I'd bumped into some people I'd met in the back of a truck two days before. That time I was lucky. What wasn't lucky was when another man on a bike spat all the way down my back, covering my arm and my top with a massive, stringy, slimy gob (how is it possible for that much ectoplasm-like-goop to come out of one man?!) in between gags I stumbled into a shop to buy something to clean myself (bleach? petrol and a match??) and just at that moment the radio played a public service announcement advising people not to spit in public...

Monkey Poo

The city of Bagan and the surrounding area is an archaeological zone protected by UNESCO world heritage because it contains thousands of pagodas; we found out that Buddhists believe it is a holy site and so they built temples over 2500 years ago as an offering to Buddha. On our first day there we rented bicycles to explore the area and pedaled around for hours under the blazing sun.

The female monks are dressed in pink.

This is a Bagan lady wearing the traditional neck rings. The yellow make-up on her face is natural sunscreen that most Myanmar men and women wear daily. 

Here you can see about 14 of the temples but there were many more in the distance that the camera didn't pick up.

There are Buddha statues around every corner. 

A large golden pagoda by the river.

That night we went to a bar full of locals and drank Myanmar beer for about 40p a glass and ate barbecue food outside. A table of locals sent us over beer and watermelon and spent the next half an hour giving us thumbs up from across the restaurant! Later on we biked back to our guesthouse and the streets were deserted, I fell off my bike and a Myanmar lady appeared out of the shadows and offered her hand to help me up; I cannot believe how sweet-natured the Myanmar people are, more so than anywhere I've been in the world, and I really hope the sudden influx of tourism here that will undoubtedly continue to gain momentum doesn't ruin their gentle, friendly nature and their beautiful country.

We'd planned an early start to see a small mountain the next morning however after twelve beers each the night before we were feeling awful. On the way our taxi took us to a whiskey plantation where they also harvest palm oil used for cooking and in most cosmetics, even though I was hungover I thought a sample of the whiskey would be a good idea. It wasn't. We arrived at Mount Popa, a volcano that hasn't been active for thousands of years, and began the climb up; I was a little disappointed because I'd put my walking boots on preparing for a challenge but they'd built steps all the way up and made us take off our shoes because of the temple at the top - shoes must always be removed before going into any temple here. I was beginning to think I was going to have to change the name of my blog to 'somethingaboutcows' considering how many of them I'd seen in India but I'm pleased/traumatised to say that I have had a new monkey encounter. On the steps up to Mt.Popa there were hundreds of aggressive monkeys running around and defecating everywhere (at this point I'll remind you that we were barefoot...) and at one point we were stuck in the middle of a violent fight between ten massive monkeys and we were seriously worried about being bitten. Once we'd climbed up, seen the temple at the top and come back down again we sat in a restaurant to have a cold drink but we were overcome with the stench of monkey poo. The smell was everywhere. It also seemed to be coming out of the kitchen so we quickly left and got a taxi back to our hotel.

Here we saw a cow grinding peanuts to make peanut oil for cooking.

Mt Popa has a protruding shape - it's in the distance so looks small behind the Pagoda in the foreground but you can see the temple at the top.

Part of the temple on the mountain.

View of the volcano from the top.

Monkeys everywhere!!!

The following day, after three nights in Bagan, we got an early bus to a town called Kalaw and our bus stopped at a Myanmar roadside cafe for lunch on the way. The Myanmar food that I have had so far has been amazingly delicious, particularly the traditional beef curry, and it usually comes with rice, pickle, a platter of raw and cooked veg as well as a small bowl of soup. This all got delivered to our table and to our horror the soup had that same stench of monkey poo that had made us gag the day before.

Edit: I later found out that a fermented fish sauce commonly used in Burmese cooking is responsible for the smell - it really is similar to monkey poo! Westerners tend to find this very unappealing, just like Burmese people can't stand the smell and taste of dairy.

This is what usually happens when you order a curry and Myanmar food is some of the best I've ever tasted...usually.